so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
