i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
