there was a trapeze. enough said
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
