just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
This toilet bowl is my home.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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