Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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