Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
