Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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