god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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