Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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