is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
