I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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