I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and she was petting her beer can
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
