were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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