is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
