Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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