I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
