i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
