When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
