apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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