I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
