I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
