Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
