i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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