I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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