i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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