You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
