I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
