Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
