Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
And then he peed in my hair
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