Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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