She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
