overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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