ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
