dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
