Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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