lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
