found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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