I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
