actually, I'm a sock model
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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