So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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