If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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