in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
