I just gift wrapped bread.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
