At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
