yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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