well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
