Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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