I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
