I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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