from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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