Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
