Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
