My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
