I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
