if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
